TMI

This is what every girlfriend I ever had during the winter looks like in my memory:

all credit to the Tumblr dude who made this originally

Every time I look at this GIF, I reflexively start riffing on my favorite pet topics to explore, just as I often did in any given relationship.

[By the way, my current thought experiment du jour is the idea that all of the Soviet leaders' corpses were embalmed and preserved like Lenin's, but Putin keeps them in his office. He has them dressed up to suit his daily whims -- Bermuda shorts, sandals & wifebeaters one day, French-maid uniforms the next, Cowboys & Indians or Robin Hood and his Merrie Men on Saturday mornings, "vicars and whores" on Sunday, reenacting WEEKEND AT BERNIE'S with his favorite henchman and Khrushchev's body -- with Medvedev often playing an Anita from WEST SIDE STORY-like role; ineffectually hectoring Putin and his gang's schemes while lining up pretty dresses for all his "girls" to wear.]

Anyway, I can't help riffing like like I would have in that moment just before my future ex's face would cement into the above white-knuckled rigor mortis until I finally stopped talking seconds or even minutes later. This is probably 90% of the reason why I've never married -- most of my relationships have been life in Voltaire's conception of God-as-comedian, except my audience is too deeply annoyed to laugh. I know why I'm attracted to ladies who were/are attracted to me despite loathing my sense of humor -- like the reason why I don't do any kind of live comedy, I love bombing with stuff I like far more than I do killing the same crowd, even with the same materal -- I'm sure we had lots of good times together but I'll never understand what these ladies get out of it before they finally got out of it.

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