Sunday Morning At The Movie Trailers: JOHN CARTER

I was so worried there wouldn't be multiple bullet-time moments, a Lucasian number of identical CGI spearcarriers and at least one 300-style yellacious speech. Oh, and a new cover of Led Zeppelin's "Kashmir," because all blockbusters are always 110% better with Kashmir. If only they could have gotten Will Smith to star/executive produce; then the ring of shit would have been complete.

A friend of mine said that "Edgar Rice Burroughs spins in his grave;" I said his corpse has survived far worse Tarzan movies. This will probably be another Conan 3D; here today, gone today.

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