ghetto polka for Sunday breakfast

I heard a hilariously [mild] mannered cover version of "The Night They Invented Champagne" on a local polka radio show a few months ago, but didn't bother to write down the name of the band performing it. Why bother? It was amusing while it lasted, it's over, eh. That song has echoed in my head, on and off, for months.

It's essentially useless to search for the song by title -- most search engines insist that you meant "Champagne Polka," which must be the "Louie Louie" of polka songs, considering how many bands have recorded it -- and even the DJ couldn't place the song or the artist. Maybe I hallucinated it?

Something finally shook loose in my head last night and I remembered that the word Captain is somewhere in the band name -- "Blah BlahBlah and TheRestoftheBandNameHere." Throwing "Captain" into my searches brought the answer up in the first three results: Ken Lazar and The Captain's Crew Button Box Group -- say it three times fast, I dare you -- and the song is on what's apparently their only album, A WHOLE LIFE LONG. That wasn't so difficult, was it?

I've discovered, after an hour or so of listening to the 30-second mp3 sample on the above page, that Windows Media Player's visualization of the sound looks a lot like a brainscan of a person suffering a migraine while being forced to look at pulsating klieg lights. I'm buying the album soon. What kind of dead-hearted nimrod doesn't love a good polka?

Anyway, making breakfast today, I found the song fragment inseparably tangled with a line from DOLEMITE, so I crooned this to the cats while I cooked: "HE THINK HE BAD AN AIN'T GOT NO CLASS? I'M GONNA ROCK THIS SHOTGUN UP HIS MUTHA FUCKIN ASS the night they invented champaaaaaaaagne it's straight for you and meeeee and far as we can seeeeeeee ....

I got problems, Bud.


The name of my polka band will be "The Button Mashers." We will cover nothing but video-game music, Minibosses-style, but with worn-out accordions instead of totally awesome super-Strats.

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