My vow to never drink soda again, Nov. 16 2006-Mar. 20 2007

Holy fucking shit, I can't believe I ever forgot how amazing Kosher Coke tastes; sweet, watery in a good way, actually refreshing and no unwelcome aftertaste or filminess on my teeth. For those of you who don't know, for a few weeks around Passover, Coke [and in some areas Pepsi] put out a small supply of kosher versions of their main brand in 2-litter bottles. The reason why it's so good is that instead of that high-fructose corn syrup garbage, kosher cola made with real cane sugar. From what I understand, Coke-proper hasn't been made with it in nearly 30 years, which would explain why kosher Coke tastes like my childhood.

"INGREDIENTS: Water, Sucrose, Caramel Color, Phosphoric Acid, Natural Flavors, Caffeine." That's it. I can easily live with drinking this short a list of chemicals.

Look for Kosher Coke in the Passover/chosen-people cuisine area of your local grocer; the easy giveaway is the bottles' yellow cap, which has "U.P" and/or some Hebrew text on top. The second giveaway comes after you drink your first glass: You'll be satisfied and pleased, not thirsty for another and another and another the way HFCS soda is.

[There's something very Soylent Green about HFCS, except that the Soylent Corp. apparently didn't strong-arm the U.S. government the way that Archer Daniels Midland does ours. Fuck corn subsidies. I would make a drinking game out of every time we find HFCS in the ingredients list of a food that doesn't need it, except that I probably couldn't find alcohol that doesn't contain it too. Also, most supermarkets frown on binge drinking while shopping.]

One of the lesser things I miss about living in a city near the border [L.A./Mexico or Seattle/Canada] is that it's fairly easy to get foreign-made soda, which is made with real sugar year-round -- although I see Mexico is losing their fight to keep HFCS out of their country. I'm not much of a Coke fan, but I liked the glass bottles that Mexican coke comes [or came] in. I don't remember much about Canadian soda, except that their Mountain Dew was good but curiously weak. Still better than Soylent Brown and Light Green ... when you could find it in this country.

Anyway: Hot dogs, pickles, cola [makes you wish there were more Jewy Jews in baseball; I would go see a game if the concession stands served Hebrew Nationals, kosher dills and sugar Coke], chocolate bars, lemon rolls, black & white cookies, brownies, canned broth, whole-wheat crackers -- is there any food the Jews don't make better? No. [They also make the best comedians, crazy girlfriends and mohels but that's like saying oil, blood and water are wet.]

UPDATE: It's been an hour after having my glass of kosher Coke, and I feel just fine. God damn you, high-fructose corn syrup!