six-string snotiness

Many people [five] have asked me, if not comic books, then what do I read on the toilet? To three of those five, I tell them the truth: I flip through musical instrument catalogs. My favorites are Lark in the Morning [very informative about all sorts of world instruments, despite the shitty, half-assed setup work they do on their stock] and Musicians Friend [lotsa nice pictures, easiest to play Billionaire Bathroom Shopping Spree* with].

I received a catalog from another company the other day; its selection is tremendously impressive, but its copyediting was, well. Here are some examples of things I chuckled at.

Is the Epiphone Casino in this photo supposed to be Cherry, Natural or Vintage Sunburst in color? It looks Robin's Egg Blue to me.

I've worked on and seen enough catalogs being assembled to know that sometimes you just can't get an image of the actual item. But on the same page, there's an Epi WildKat that's nearly the same color! More of a light green-blue, sure, but no closer to the model's available Antique Natural or Translucent Black finishes. Still this one deserves some slack for the copy "ride it high and spank it." Now that's a projection attractor.

Also on the same page: If you have more money and Beatlemania than sense, you can shell out a few grand for a Korean-made replica of John Lennon's Casino, either before or after he stripped the paint off it. Companies always jack the price up on signature models, but what this Epiphone distinguishes itself from the pack by coming with its own shroud [?!?!?!].

This one, however, is the best; I'm always game for giggling at its/it's fuckups. You would think someone in production would have noticed that it's used both ways and one of them has to be wrong.

* You pretend to be a billionaire; flipping through a catalog, you pick two things on each page spread to buy, sight-unseen. Not one thing, not three things; two things. You're rich as fuck, so price is not an issue, but you have to pick as fast as possible; if the catalog is a big one, you may lose a leg from sitting on the toilet for so long. I hear Charlie Sheen loves the game so much that he set up some legit credit-card accounts under a different name so he can play it for real. Even when I had money, the idea of buying that much stuff at once made my stomach turn; I prefer that what's picked in the bathroom, stays in the bathroom.