16. Fridays on eBay really is sales death. You might as well give your stuff away. And bargain-hunt then for stuff you want.
17. So, it seems that some of the remaining Bush followers are now warming up to place them blame for the utter failure in Iraq not on Bush and his allies but squarely on the war protesters. If their President has the power to spy on whomever he wants and indefinitely detain [and torture] anyone he wants -- all under a retroactive doctrine that the executive has unlimited power to do whatever it chooses to keep the country safe -- surely he could have shut down the dissent from those damned late-swilling liberal lunatics.
18. The First Rule of Pranking: Never ever ever go with the first idea that comes to mind, ever.
The Second Rule of Pranking: Cook up a bullshit story that's barely on the edge of plausibility; you're making a joke, not a [possibly slanderous] suggestion.
The Third Rule of Pranking: Work alone and wait a while before you share your work with others.
The Fourth Rule of Pranking: Don't shit where you eat, unless it's a close friend.
The Fifth Rule of Pranking: Admit nothing, no matter what.
19. A hard-drinking friend of mine wanted to try a nutritionally satisfying but purely liquid diet. We did the math and figured out it only required one glass of orange juice, two glasses of milk and 47 pints of Guinness. Another boozehound I knew once took on my dare to eat nothing solid except canned corn; it took less than a week before it looked the same going in and going out.
XX. Ninja used boxes of crickets to mask the sound of their footsteps.