Notes From Route 96B

Or, "More Things I Have Recently Learned":

-- In The Land Of Virgins, The Cockblocker Is King.

-- Pumpkins make a really good foundation paste for chili, possibly better than tomatoes.

-- Lesbian bars have really nice light fixtures in their toilets.

-- Women evidently would give any and everything for a leg massage ... if only men knew how to give them properly. I swear I didn't learn this at the lesbo bar.

-- Just as all good Americans should go to Paris, France to die, they should all spend at least one year of their 20s in Ithaca, NY.

-- A senryu/haiku composed on a refrigerator door:
To planet Hump Roast
I forgot the middle line
let us rub Dad snarf

-- Even with a few thousand dollars in your pocket, the tools at Ithaca Guitar Works still won't wait on you in favor of kissing up to some Cornell-student douchebag. The guys at Rumble Seat Music, however, are unflagingly cool and helpful, regardless of the size of the wad in your wallet. If I had money to blow on vintage guitars and equipment, these guys would get all of my business; if you're in that market, you should try this place first.

-- While comic shops are ideal places to comfortably loiter in the guise of browsing when you have 45 minutes to kill before meeting someone at the Mexican restaurant a block away, never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ask the owner how business is doing. You will quickly want to open a vein -- his or yours, what's the difference -- but oh, how the silent laffs will come when topics like how NAME OF ALT-COMICS FAVORITE HERE and its book collections would sell so much better if the pamphlet came out on a regular basis. Don't bother waiting for the owner to give you an upbeat, "That all said, more and more little kids are coming in with their parents for the Archie comics and kiddie manga every month, so there's hope for the future"-type out so that his monologue can end [and you can leave the store] on a cheerful note. No optimist can stand behind a comic-shop cash register.

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