GOJIRA WRITES A POSTCARD FROM PARADISE

aloha meat twigs,

Tis I, Gojira-san, posting from bah-you-tee-full Waimanalo Beach on Oahu island. Well, about a quarter-mile off the actual beach, but technically, I'm still standing on the beach area. Anyhoo, Hawaii is fucking AWESOME and you should all never move or visit here. In fact, I want all the little bastards who live here now to leave immediately. Now! Or I'll raze your puny civilization to the ground!!!

Nah, I'm just fuckin' with my little bronze pals. I love this state. Well, since I still haven't raised enough dough to buy a camera-equipped smart phone, I can't photoblog the awesomeness of this place, and I got fuckall for decent letters [read: any ... sigh] this week, I'm signing off to go help start tonight's luau. It'll be nice to be in some shade after standing out in the sun for 10 straight hours, heh heh! After we stuff ourselves with kalua pork and roasted pineapples, we're playing limbo!! And the only thing better than playing limbo is farting or pretending to fart while you're under the pole! Everyone laughs!!! Everyone!!!! Even hateful dicks who've always been jealous of my success despite it being what drew them to me in the first place, like that dick Milos!!!!! Or inarticulate emotional cripples like that Mariko spaz!!!!! I WILL OUTLIVE YOU ALL, TURDBURGLERS!!!!!!!! Beef it, cheese it, accept it!!! Aloha, jackassi!

sincerely,
gojira

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