Click for larger image.
I'm just glad Aquaman learned his lesson and we've never seen him take advantage of his brothers of the sea since this late '70s issue of ADVENTURE COMICS. Wait, what?
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Happy New Comics Wednesday .... again.
Click for larger image.
I'm just glad Aquaman learned his lesson and we've never seen him take advantage of his brothers of the sea since this late '70s issue of ADVENTURE COMICS. Wait, what?
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Monday, December 14, 2009
Weekly DVD Alert Four: December 14-21, 2009
Check your local listings; also a lot of these films are shown throughout the month, so you may want to look at previous DVD alerts for December.
Monday, December 14
9AM-1015AM, HBO: JOE LOUIS: AMERICA’S HERO … BETRAYED, 75m.
Rock-solid documentary about the Brown Bomber's rise and fall.
10AM-11:45AM, Sun: A PERFECT CANDIDATE, 105m.
Documentary on the 1994 Virginian Senatorial race between incumbent Charles Robb and his Republican challenger, doesn't-feel-a-shred-of-disgrace Oliver North. Curiously enough, I remember the fly-on-a-wall view of North's campaign machinery being no more revolting than any G.O.P. campaign I've ever closely followed.
11:45AM-1:30PM, Sun: JOIN US, 100m.
Ondi Timoner [DIG!] examines cults in America, how otherwise not-batshit people join them and how hard it is to leave them.
Noon-2PM, TCM: ALFIE, 114m.
The Michael Caine original. We all understand that young Eleanor Bron was sauce, right?
5:40PM-7PM, IFC: HARLAN COUNTY, USA, 103m.
Arguably Barbara Kopple's best documentary, this recounting of a 13-month Kentucky coal-miner strike presents a tantalizing what-could-have-been: New Journalism in film. Kopple makes no bones about whose side she's on -- and, really, it's hard not to root for the workers.
7:15PM-8:50PM, Sun: CONFESSIONS OF A SUPERHERO, 93m.
I assume I'm the last nerd in North America to have seen this. I would love to see the vaguely George Clooney-looking Batman panhandler recount his entire life story in one continuous take; it would be perfect material for training in any profession that requires a person being able to tell when someone's lying.
9PM-10PM, Sun: WHAT WOULD JESUS BUY?, 60m.
Reverend Billy and his Church of Stop Shopping are gonna save your wallet's soul! Hallelujah!
Tuesday, December 15
Midnight-1:45AM, TCM: DIRIGIBLE, 100m.
Part of Turner's month-long celebration of Frank Capra's films: The movie that did for Zeppelins what William A. Wellman's WINGS did for airplanes a few years before, only less so. I like a lot of Capra's early service adventure movies; he's not nearly as slick at hiding his deep cynicism in these early efforts. Jack Holt, Ralph Graves and Fay Wray star.
1:45AM-3:45AM, TCM: FLIGHT, 112m.
An earlier film but again teams Capra, Graves and Holt in a story set at a Marine flight school. I've not seen it, but I presume it will be less metaphorically homoerotic than TOP GUN.
8:15AM-10AM, TCM: JASON AND THE ARGONAUTS, 104m.
Is this the funnest adventure movie ever? Um, maybe. Usually any movie labeled "fun for the whole family" is one or the other at best -- usually neither -- but this is the exception to the rule.
10AM-11AM, TCM: CREATURE FROM THE HAUNTED SEA, 59m.
I can forgive Roger Corman almost anything because of his courage and grit as a filmmaker, his unpatronizing mentoring and support for so many then-young auteurs and how he put his money where his mouth was regarding the value of world cinema at a time when most of his producer peers were happy to pocket the profits from their B-movies. Then all said, I've not seen this movie, which sounds really stupid -- serial killer frames a legendary sea monster for his murders; then the real monster shows up -- but at less-than-an-hour running time, how bad could it be?
7:15PM-9PM, IFC: CRIMES AND MISDEMEANORS, 104m.
I haven't seen this since it came out on VHS; I'm very curious to see how Woody Allen & Alan Alda's four-handed [well, maybe two and a half] middle finger to Larry Gelbart plays out now that he's dead. I didn't know that Alda was imitating him when I saw it, but I remember wondering why Allen seemed to want us to dislike Alda's character when he didn't seem so bad, just a little too glib -- I chalked it up to yet another actor not wanting to be disliked. I'm really hoping that I'm old enough to appreciate the Martin Landau-Anjelica Huston-Jerry Orbach half of the film. It can't be as leaden as I thought, it was me not getting it, right?
Wednesday, December 16
1AM-2AM, ESPNC: CLASSIC BOXING: Diego Corrales vs. Joel Casamayor II, 2004.
My interest in boxing petered out some time in the mid-90s, but catching the first two of the trilogy of fights between these super featherweights reignited my passion for the sport. The late "Chico" Corrales was a beast and "El Cepillo" was born cagey; they may have had better fights with other fighters, but no boxer has had a more perfect foil for his style than each man found in the other. This one ends with the squeakiest of split decisions, which makes the likelihood that the channel will have cut a few rounds to squeeze a 12-round fight plus the usual ESPN-repackaging blather and all the commercials into an hour's running time all the more unfortunate.
6AM-8AM, FMC: DRUMS ALONG THE MOHAWK, 104m.
John Ford's first color film, and his most gorgeous. Henry Fonda! Claudette Colbert! The Revolutionary War!
7AM-8:15AM, TCM: THE RETURN OF DOCTOR X, 63m.
Humphrey Bogart's one and only turn in a monster[-ish] role. I imagine it will be clear why that is pretty quick. Yay!
8AM-10:01AM, FMC: THE BIG TRAIL, 120m.
John Wayne's first starring role, very much like the old OREGON TRAIL video game [see also: UNTAMED; Fox really had a thing for this story]. Raoul Walsh was no John Ford, but neither was John Ford most of the time. Lots of magnificent scenery in this one, appropriately enough.
11:15AM-1:05PM, IFC: LOOKING FOR RICHARD, 109m.
My favorite Shakespeare movie, I think -- actor-director Al Pacino made this documentary as part of his semi-ongoing quest to make the Bard more accessible to American actors and audiences. Kevin Spacey, Winona Ryder, and surprisingly good Alec Baldwin co-star in the play fragments. I think, more than anything, what I value the most about this movie is the lesson that there's no such thing as a pretentious reading of Shakespeare, only dispassionate ones.
2:30PM-4:15PM, TCM: ACROSS THE PACIFIC, 97m.
Hey, the MALTESE FALCON gang's back! John Huston, Bogie, Mary Astor and Sydney Greenstreet return for a yarn about an American agent fighting Axis spies who want to blow up the Panama Canal …. wait, what?
4:15PM-6:15PM, TCM: ALL THROUGH THE NIGHT, 107m.
Hey, youse mugs! These Ratzi spies are trying to destroys our country! And they ain't gonna let us wet our beaks a little? Well, fuck dat -- let's give 'em what's for!!! Bogart, Conrad Veidt, Jane Darwell star -- how bad could it be?
6PM-8PM, FMC: MOTHER, JUGS & SPEED, 95m.
I'd love to know more about Peter Yates; slightly more than nothing, at the moment. I like BULLITT, love THE FRIENDS OF EDDIE COYLE and I'm finally ready to watch this movie despite Bill Cosby [brilliant stand-up comedian, terrible actor]. Hoping it's presented in letterbox; didn't Fox Movie Channel make a big deal about pan & scan only giving you, the viewer, two-thirds of the image?
8PM-10PM, TCM: THE MALTESE FALCON, 101m.
Is there a scene anywhere in American genre movies as hair-raising as the moment where Bogie's Sam Spade starts talking about who should take the fall for the murders of his partner Archer and the hoods Jacoby and Thursby.
Thursday, December 17
7:30AM-9:30AM, FMC: THE MARK OF ZORRO, 94m.
Tyrone Power! Basil Rathbone! Rouben Mamoulian!
9:46PM-9:56PM, TCM: PETE SMITH SPECIALTY: "Let's Talk Turkey," 10m.
It's a shame that this amusing series of twisted how-to shorts are so obscure that anyone unfamiliar with them would think that they're just a rip-off of the "Goofy" how-to cartoons, when it's the other way around.
10PM-11:30PM, TCM: HOLIDAY AFFAIR, 87m.
Robert Mitchum! Janet Leigh! Whatshisface [Wendell Corey]! Season's Cuckoldings!
11:30PM-1:05AM, TCM: NEVER SAY GOODBYE, 94m.
I didn't know this movie existed, and I've always wanted to see Errol Flynn star in a contemporary, non-adventure movie. This is a romantic comedy, and its obscurity makes me fear for the less-than-best, but I'm looking forward to seeing Flynn be funny.
Friday, December 18
1:08 AM-1:30AM, TCM: STAR IN THE NIGHT, 22m.
Don Siegel's first film as a director, this 1945 short is a modernized mismash of the Nativity Story and A CHRISTMAS CAROL. It's still a long way to INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS and THE KILLERS.
8:45AM-10:30AM, IFC: BEFORE SUNRISE, 101m.
Richard Linklater plays BRIEF ENCOUNTER [see last week's DVD Alert for it and QUIET CITY] and almost makes you like Ethan Hawke. Julie Delpy co-stars.
3:30PM-5:30PM, FMC: TWO FOR THE ROAD, 111m.
Stanley Donen! Audrey Hepburn! Albert Finney! William Daniels! Eleanor Bron! Jacqueline Bisset, somewhere! Best marriage movie, ever!
10PM-Midnight, TCM: FOUR WEDDINGS AND A FUNERAL, 118m.
Director Mike Newell almost makes you like Hugh Grant, Andie MacDowell and Kristin Scott Thomas!
11PM-1AM, SHO: SHOBOX: THE NEW GENERATION
I thought I'd give this series another shot, considering most of what I hate about boxing [tomato-can resume-padders, outright thefts on score cards, executions rather than competitions] doesn't happen as much on it. They really do their best to bring on new talent and match them for tough fights.
Saturday, December 19
[As of this writing, the guide for ESPN Classic has gone generic starting this day; I'll go back and update when they post the schedule in a few days, if I remember or someone reminds me.]
3:30AM-5:30AM, Sun: THE EVENT, 112m.
I'm intrigued by the main armature for this film; Parker Posey plays an ambitious assistant district attorney who's investigating several suspicious deaths of AIDS patients, which sort of reminds me of how Orson Welles wanted Agnes Moorehead to play the investigator in THE STRANGER. It's a dynamic you still don't see that often in movies. Don McKellar, Olympia Dukakis and Sarah Polley co-star, Thom Fitzgerald writes and directs, Salon.com promises that this drama about love and the legal & ethical issues surrounding assisted suicide is "a very serious picture [but] never a downer." They better be right or I'm totally not going to look at the pop-up ad you have to watch before they let you read Glenn Greenwald's blog or whatever.
6AM-8AM, TCM: OUT OF THE PAST, 97m.
It's not the greatest Film Noir ever made -- top ten, certainly -- but this Jacques Tourneur-directed potboiler has some should-be-studied-in-film-school scenes with Mitchum, Jane Greer and/or Kirk Douglas.
8AM-10:35AM, IFC: KILL!, 154m.
This week's IFC Samurai Saturday: Kihachi Okamoto's blackish comedyish story about two ronin caught up in a war between two factions tearing their small town apart. It's kind of like Abbott & Costello star in YOJIMBO, only more so.
7:30 AM-9AM, FMC: DANCING MASTERS, 63m.
9AM-10:30AM, FMC: THE BIG NOISE, 74m.
10:30AM-Noon, FMC: THE BULLFIGHTERS, 69m.
I've written about this mini-marathon of WWII-era Laurel & Hardy movies that FMC airs semi-regularly; it could just as easily been titled LAUREL & HARDY's CONTRACTUAL OBLIGATION Volumes One, Two and Three, but any L&H is better than no L&H. Right?
Noon-2PM, FMC: PRINCE VALIANT, 100m.
This is one weird concept: Hal Foster's classic illustratorly comic strip comes to the very big screen [it's one of if not the first film shot in CinemaScope, 2.55:1] via director Henry Hathaway and the woefully underrated screenwriter Dudley Nichols [STAGECOACH, BRINGING UP BABY, SCARLET STREET, GUNGA DIN, THE BELLS OF ST. MARY'S, THE INFORMER, etc.], who hit on the fairly ingenious method of adapting the absurdly complex and long continuities of the strip by using panels from the strip as storyboards for the movie. This should be a milk run for making a solid adventure movie, right? They cast Robert Wagner for the lead, Janet Leigh as his love Princess Aleta, James Mason as the heavy, The Black Knight (Mason) and Sterling Hayden as Valiant's comic relief/mentor Sir Gawain. All well and good, but somehow the ingredients don't congeal -- at least, they didn't for me when I saw this movie. I have to admit, I was immature enough to let Wagner's terrible bob wig throw me. The movie's beautiful -- although it is curious how fast the film's editing rhythm is; I wonder if it was done with some technical reason due to the new film ratio, or if they just had too much plot to squeeze into even a roadshow-length film, or what -- and the shots are as amazingly composed as you would expect from a movie that Hal Foster "storyboarded."
8PM-10PM, TCM: THE MAN WHO CAME TO DINNER, 113m.
My favorite Xmas movie of the last few years, largely for Monty Woolley's scenery gorging. Unlikely a lot of Christmas films, this one actually feels like the holidays -- particularly that irritating, unresolvable sense of being put-upon by non-strangers in your home.
10PM-Midnight, TCM: GEORGE WASHINGTON SLEPT HERE, 91m.
Writers Moss Hart & George S. Kaufman, director William Keighley and actress Ann Sheridan return with this amusing Jack Benny vehicle, made the same year as THE MAN WHO CAME TO DINNER.
Sunday, December 20
1:45-3:05AM, TCM: NO TIME FOR COMEDY, 93m.
TCM's mini-marathon of William Keighley films continues with an entertaining-sounding one about a playwright, his actress wife and the playboy who tries to cockblock the wife's career. It took a few tries, but think I spelled out the relationship dynamic correctly this time. James Stewart, Rosalind Russell and Charlie Ruggles starred and, as with THE MAN WHO CAME TO DINNER, Julius J. Epstein [CASABLANCA, CROSS OF IRON, YANKEE DOODLE DANDY, WHY WE FIGHT] wrote the screenplay for this one.
[FYI: This Keighley marathon continues beyond this film, burying what sound like two comparatively dire early efforts in the 3:00-6:00AM slots. Me, I say life's too short to watch Ronald Reagan movies.]
5:45AM-6:45AM, IFC: THE SPAGHETTI WEST, 56m.
Sounds like a good, albeit probably clip-showy, documentary about the 1960s boom in Westerns made in Italy. Features interviews with Clint Eastwood, Ennio Morricone, Alex Cox, etc.
Turner Classic Movies is going balls-out with the widescreen epics today and into tomorrow morning -- it'll [not really] be like the Cinerama is your living room! They're showing RAINTREE COUNTY [Edward Dmytryk can go shit in his hat, the dirty rat], HOW THE WEST WAS WON [seeing it once is enough] and CHILDREN OF PARADISE [which is epically long, but not so epic as the rest] but I'm going to try sitting still long enough to take in all of:
12:30 PM-4PM, TCM: DOCTOR ZHIVAGO, 200m.
I've never seen it, have avoided it for the usual obvious reasons but I've managed to watch and enjoy enough [of] David Lean movies recently that I think I can take in a period romance that's this long without it feeling like I'm taking cinematic medicine.
4PM-8PM, TCM: BEN-HUR, 222m.
In for two & a half hours, in for three & three-quarters hours; I saw and enjoyed the silent version of the story the other day, the few people I know who have made it through both say that the Charlton Heston and William Wyler version is even more awesome [always with the "for a Biblical-type story" caveat].
8PM-9PM, TCM: A NIGHT AT THE MOVIES: "The Gigantic World of Epics," 58m.
A TCM-produced documentary, appropriately filmed in widescreen.
9PM-Midnight, TCM: THE KING OF KINGS, 171m.
Only Nick Fucking Ray could get me interested to watch the life of Christ starring Jeffrey Hunter [!!!] as Jesus, the very Oy-rish Siobhan McKenna as his mom Mary, Robert Ryan as John The Baptist and a young Rip Torn as Judas [!!!], with narration written by Ray Bradbury [!] and delivered by Orson Welles. Really, WTF FTW people. Fuckin' Nick Ray.
That's three movies, which clock in at a few minutes shy of ten hours. Epic! We got one more, though:
Monday, December 21
Midnight-2:45AM, TCM: THE KING OF KINGS (1927), 157m.
Cecil B. DeMille's silent epic version of the life of Christ. I'm guessing this version's Jesus didn't have to shave his chest for the crucifixion scene, so as to not enrage the holy-rollers like the remake reportedly did.
1:01AM-3:01AM, H: SNIPER: INSIDE THE CROSSHAIRS
In case we can't hang with with Jeezus and need to cleanse the palate with a little gunplay. I like that first-person shooters have rehabilitated the reputation of the scout/sniper; we've all learned how to stop worrying and love the pink mist. This doc profiles [in]famous sniper shots from military history.
6:15AM-8:15AM, IFC: HOWL'S MOVING CASTLE, 119m.
A Hayao Miyazaki movie is still a Hayao Miyazaki movie, even if IFC is actually showing the Disney-dubbed version, with the voices of master thespians like Christian Bale, Emily Mortimer, Jean Simmons, Lauren Bacall and Billy Crystal.
8:15AM-10:15AM, TCM: JULES AND JIM, 106m.
I don't know anyone who hates this Francois Truffaut movie. Do you? They may not have seen it, they may not like it, but no one hates it. It's like the people who supposedly impulse-buy those decks of Bicycle playing cards that are in every check-out station in every supermarket everywhere; JULES ET JIM-haters don't exist. Jeanne Moreau, Oskar Werner and Henri Serre star.
10:15AM-12:15 PM, TCM: YESTERDAY, TODAY AND TOMORROW, 114m.
Some days, I swear the programming department at Turner lays the schedule out just to mess with our heads. This fine late-model Vittorio De Sica comedy stars Marcello Mastroianni and Sophia Loren, who was never sexier. Of the three stories, I think I like the first the best -- Loren's character is facing jail time but takes advantage of a law that prevents pregnant women from going to prison. You can probably do the math along with a few inappropriate hand gestures.
1:25PM-2:15PM, Sun: A SKIN TOO FEW: THE DAYS OF NICK DRAKE, 48m.
It's been a long time since I saw it, but I remember Jeroen Berkvens's documentary about the late singer-songwriter being appropriately wispy but faintly solid at the same time, just like a good Nick Drake song.
6:15PM-7:55PM, Sun: JESUS IN INDIA, 97m.
So, what was Jesus doing in his "hidden years" -- his teens to early thirties? What every young dude does until he hits 30; traveling the Silk Road and hanging out with Hindus and Buddhists and picking up all their, like, vibe, man. Actually, that makes a lot of sense, considering how similar his teachings are to both religions' key texts. I'm very interested to hear more about this ancient manuscript about Jesus that's reportedly housed in a remote monastery in Ladakh, near the India/Kashmir border.
8PM-10:15 PM, TCM: STATE OF THE UNION, 123m.
Another Frank Capra film, this one curiously doesn't pop up much in talk about Capra's oeuvre nor Katherine Hepburn & Spencer Tracy's collaborations. I'm looking forward to finding out why that is. Spence is running for President but having trouble fighting that fight and keeping his wife Katherine happy at the same time.
And, there's another week.
Monday, December 14
9AM-1015AM, HBO: JOE LOUIS: AMERICA’S HERO … BETRAYED, 75m.
Rock-solid documentary about the Brown Bomber's rise and fall.
10AM-11:45AM, Sun: A PERFECT CANDIDATE, 105m.
Documentary on the 1994 Virginian Senatorial race between incumbent Charles Robb and his Republican challenger, doesn't-feel-a-shred-of-disgrace Oliver North. Curiously enough, I remember the fly-on-a-wall view of North's campaign machinery being no more revolting than any G.O.P. campaign I've ever closely followed.
11:45AM-1:30PM, Sun: JOIN US, 100m.
Ondi Timoner [DIG!] examines cults in America, how otherwise not-batshit people join them and how hard it is to leave them.
Noon-2PM, TCM: ALFIE, 114m.
The Michael Caine original. We all understand that young Eleanor Bron was sauce, right?
5:40PM-7PM, IFC: HARLAN COUNTY, USA, 103m.
Arguably Barbara Kopple's best documentary, this recounting of a 13-month Kentucky coal-miner strike presents a tantalizing what-could-have-been: New Journalism in film. Kopple makes no bones about whose side she's on -- and, really, it's hard not to root for the workers.
7:15PM-8:50PM, Sun: CONFESSIONS OF A SUPERHERO, 93m.
I assume I'm the last nerd in North America to have seen this. I would love to see the vaguely George Clooney-looking Batman panhandler recount his entire life story in one continuous take; it would be perfect material for training in any profession that requires a person being able to tell when someone's lying.
9PM-10PM, Sun: WHAT WOULD JESUS BUY?, 60m.
Reverend Billy and his Church of Stop Shopping are gonna save your wallet's soul! Hallelujah!
Tuesday, December 15
Midnight-1:45AM, TCM: DIRIGIBLE, 100m.
Part of Turner's month-long celebration of Frank Capra's films: The movie that did for Zeppelins what William A. Wellman's WINGS did for airplanes a few years before, only less so. I like a lot of Capra's early service adventure movies; he's not nearly as slick at hiding his deep cynicism in these early efforts. Jack Holt, Ralph Graves and Fay Wray star.
1:45AM-3:45AM, TCM: FLIGHT, 112m.
An earlier film but again teams Capra, Graves and Holt in a story set at a Marine flight school. I've not seen it, but I presume it will be less metaphorically homoerotic than TOP GUN.
8:15AM-10AM, TCM: JASON AND THE ARGONAUTS, 104m.
Is this the funnest adventure movie ever? Um, maybe. Usually any movie labeled "fun for the whole family" is one or the other at best -- usually neither -- but this is the exception to the rule.
10AM-11AM, TCM: CREATURE FROM THE HAUNTED SEA, 59m.
I can forgive Roger Corman almost anything because of his courage and grit as a filmmaker, his unpatronizing mentoring and support for so many then-young auteurs and how he put his money where his mouth was regarding the value of world cinema at a time when most of his producer peers were happy to pocket the profits from their B-movies. Then all said, I've not seen this movie, which sounds really stupid -- serial killer frames a legendary sea monster for his murders; then the real monster shows up -- but at less-than-an-hour running time, how bad could it be?
7:15PM-9PM, IFC: CRIMES AND MISDEMEANORS, 104m.
I haven't seen this since it came out on VHS; I'm very curious to see how Woody Allen & Alan Alda's four-handed [well, maybe two and a half] middle finger to Larry Gelbart plays out now that he's dead. I didn't know that Alda was imitating him when I saw it, but I remember wondering why Allen seemed to want us to dislike Alda's character when he didn't seem so bad, just a little too glib -- I chalked it up to yet another actor not wanting to be disliked. I'm really hoping that I'm old enough to appreciate the Martin Landau-Anjelica Huston-Jerry Orbach half of the film. It can't be as leaden as I thought, it was me not getting it, right?
Wednesday, December 16
1AM-2AM, ESPNC: CLASSIC BOXING: Diego Corrales vs. Joel Casamayor II, 2004.
My interest in boxing petered out some time in the mid-90s, but catching the first two of the trilogy of fights between these super featherweights reignited my passion for the sport. The late "Chico" Corrales was a beast and "El Cepillo" was born cagey; they may have had better fights with other fighters, but no boxer has had a more perfect foil for his style than each man found in the other. This one ends with the squeakiest of split decisions, which makes the likelihood that the channel will have cut a few rounds to squeeze a 12-round fight plus the usual ESPN-repackaging blather and all the commercials into an hour's running time all the more unfortunate.
6AM-8AM, FMC: DRUMS ALONG THE MOHAWK, 104m.
John Ford's first color film, and his most gorgeous. Henry Fonda! Claudette Colbert! The Revolutionary War!
7AM-8:15AM, TCM: THE RETURN OF DOCTOR X, 63m.
Humphrey Bogart's one and only turn in a monster[-ish] role. I imagine it will be clear why that is pretty quick. Yay!
8AM-10:01AM, FMC: THE BIG TRAIL, 120m.
John Wayne's first starring role, very much like the old OREGON TRAIL video game [see also: UNTAMED; Fox really had a thing for this story]. Raoul Walsh was no John Ford, but neither was John Ford most of the time. Lots of magnificent scenery in this one, appropriately enough.
11:15AM-1:05PM, IFC: LOOKING FOR RICHARD, 109m.
My favorite Shakespeare movie, I think -- actor-director Al Pacino made this documentary as part of his semi-ongoing quest to make the Bard more accessible to American actors and audiences. Kevin Spacey, Winona Ryder, and surprisingly good Alec Baldwin co-star in the play fragments. I think, more than anything, what I value the most about this movie is the lesson that there's no such thing as a pretentious reading of Shakespeare, only dispassionate ones.
2:30PM-4:15PM, TCM: ACROSS THE PACIFIC, 97m.
Hey, the MALTESE FALCON gang's back! John Huston, Bogie, Mary Astor and Sydney Greenstreet return for a yarn about an American agent fighting Axis spies who want to blow up the Panama Canal …. wait, what?
4:15PM-6:15PM, TCM: ALL THROUGH THE NIGHT, 107m.
Hey, youse mugs! These Ratzi spies are trying to destroys our country! And they ain't gonna let us wet our beaks a little? Well, fuck dat -- let's give 'em what's for!!! Bogart, Conrad Veidt, Jane Darwell star -- how bad could it be?
6PM-8PM, FMC: MOTHER, JUGS & SPEED, 95m.
I'd love to know more about Peter Yates; slightly more than nothing, at the moment. I like BULLITT, love THE FRIENDS OF EDDIE COYLE and I'm finally ready to watch this movie despite Bill Cosby [brilliant stand-up comedian, terrible actor]. Hoping it's presented in letterbox; didn't Fox Movie Channel make a big deal about pan & scan only giving you, the viewer, two-thirds of the image?
8PM-10PM, TCM: THE MALTESE FALCON, 101m.
Is there a scene anywhere in American genre movies as hair-raising as the moment where Bogie's Sam Spade starts talking about who should take the fall for the murders of his partner Archer and the hoods Jacoby and Thursby.
Thursday, December 17
7:30AM-9:30AM, FMC: THE MARK OF ZORRO, 94m.
Tyrone Power! Basil Rathbone! Rouben Mamoulian!
9:46PM-9:56PM, TCM: PETE SMITH SPECIALTY: "Let's Talk Turkey," 10m.
It's a shame that this amusing series of twisted how-to shorts are so obscure that anyone unfamiliar with them would think that they're just a rip-off of the "Goofy" how-to cartoons, when it's the other way around.
10PM-11:30PM, TCM: HOLIDAY AFFAIR, 87m.
Robert Mitchum! Janet Leigh! Whatshisface [Wendell Corey]! Season's Cuckoldings!
11:30PM-1:05AM, TCM: NEVER SAY GOODBYE, 94m.
I didn't know this movie existed, and I've always wanted to see Errol Flynn star in a contemporary, non-adventure movie. This is a romantic comedy, and its obscurity makes me fear for the less-than-best, but I'm looking forward to seeing Flynn be funny.
Friday, December 18
1:08 AM-1:30AM, TCM: STAR IN THE NIGHT, 22m.
Don Siegel's first film as a director, this 1945 short is a modernized mismash of the Nativity Story and A CHRISTMAS CAROL. It's still a long way to INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS and THE KILLERS.
8:45AM-10:30AM, IFC: BEFORE SUNRISE, 101m.
Richard Linklater plays BRIEF ENCOUNTER [see last week's DVD Alert for it and QUIET CITY] and almost makes you like Ethan Hawke. Julie Delpy co-stars.
3:30PM-5:30PM, FMC: TWO FOR THE ROAD, 111m.
Stanley Donen! Audrey Hepburn! Albert Finney! William Daniels! Eleanor Bron! Jacqueline Bisset, somewhere! Best marriage movie, ever!
10PM-Midnight, TCM: FOUR WEDDINGS AND A FUNERAL, 118m.
Director Mike Newell almost makes you like Hugh Grant, Andie MacDowell and Kristin Scott Thomas!
11PM-1AM, SHO: SHOBOX: THE NEW GENERATION
I thought I'd give this series another shot, considering most of what I hate about boxing [tomato-can resume-padders, outright thefts on score cards, executions rather than competitions] doesn't happen as much on it. They really do their best to bring on new talent and match them for tough fights.
Saturday, December 19
[As of this writing, the guide for ESPN Classic has gone generic starting this day; I'll go back and update when they post the schedule in a few days, if I remember or someone reminds me.]
3:30AM-5:30AM, Sun: THE EVENT, 112m.
I'm intrigued by the main armature for this film; Parker Posey plays an ambitious assistant district attorney who's investigating several suspicious deaths of AIDS patients, which sort of reminds me of how Orson Welles wanted Agnes Moorehead to play the investigator in THE STRANGER. It's a dynamic you still don't see that often in movies. Don McKellar, Olympia Dukakis and Sarah Polley co-star, Thom Fitzgerald writes and directs, Salon.com promises that this drama about love and the legal & ethical issues surrounding assisted suicide is "a very serious picture [but] never a downer." They better be right or I'm totally not going to look at the pop-up ad you have to watch before they let you read Glenn Greenwald's blog or whatever.
6AM-8AM, TCM: OUT OF THE PAST, 97m.
It's not the greatest Film Noir ever made -- top ten, certainly -- but this Jacques Tourneur-directed potboiler has some should-be-studied-in-film-school scenes with Mitchum, Jane Greer and/or Kirk Douglas.
8AM-10:35AM, IFC: KILL!, 154m.
This week's IFC Samurai Saturday: Kihachi Okamoto's blackish comedyish story about two ronin caught up in a war between two factions tearing their small town apart. It's kind of like Abbott & Costello star in YOJIMBO, only more so.
7:30 AM-9AM, FMC: DANCING MASTERS, 63m.
9AM-10:30AM, FMC: THE BIG NOISE, 74m.
10:30AM-Noon, FMC: THE BULLFIGHTERS, 69m.
I've written about this mini-marathon of WWII-era Laurel & Hardy movies that FMC airs semi-regularly; it could just as easily been titled LAUREL & HARDY's CONTRACTUAL OBLIGATION Volumes One, Two and Three, but any L&H is better than no L&H. Right?
Noon-2PM, FMC: PRINCE VALIANT, 100m.
This is one weird concept: Hal Foster's classic illustratorly comic strip comes to the very big screen [it's one of if not the first film shot in CinemaScope, 2.55:1] via director Henry Hathaway and the woefully underrated screenwriter Dudley Nichols [STAGECOACH, BRINGING UP BABY, SCARLET STREET, GUNGA DIN, THE BELLS OF ST. MARY'S, THE INFORMER, etc.], who hit on the fairly ingenious method of adapting the absurdly complex and long continuities of the strip by using panels from the strip as storyboards for the movie. This should be a milk run for making a solid adventure movie, right? They cast Robert Wagner for the lead, Janet Leigh as his love Princess Aleta, James Mason as the heavy, The Black Knight (Mason) and Sterling Hayden as Valiant's comic relief/mentor Sir Gawain. All well and good, but somehow the ingredients don't congeal -- at least, they didn't for me when I saw this movie. I have to admit, I was immature enough to let Wagner's terrible bob wig throw me. The movie's beautiful -- although it is curious how fast the film's editing rhythm is; I wonder if it was done with some technical reason due to the new film ratio, or if they just had too much plot to squeeze into even a roadshow-length film, or what -- and the shots are as amazingly composed as you would expect from a movie that Hal Foster "storyboarded."
8PM-10PM, TCM: THE MAN WHO CAME TO DINNER, 113m.
My favorite Xmas movie of the last few years, largely for Monty Woolley's scenery gorging. Unlikely a lot of Christmas films, this one actually feels like the holidays -- particularly that irritating, unresolvable sense of being put-upon by non-strangers in your home.
10PM-Midnight, TCM: GEORGE WASHINGTON SLEPT HERE, 91m.
Writers Moss Hart & George S. Kaufman, director William Keighley and actress Ann Sheridan return with this amusing Jack Benny vehicle, made the same year as THE MAN WHO CAME TO DINNER.
Sunday, December 20
1:45-3:05AM, TCM: NO TIME FOR COMEDY, 93m.
TCM's mini-marathon of William Keighley films continues with an entertaining-sounding one about a playwright, his actress wife and the playboy who tries to cockblock the wife's career. It took a few tries, but think I spelled out the relationship dynamic correctly this time. James Stewart, Rosalind Russell and Charlie Ruggles starred and, as with THE MAN WHO CAME TO DINNER, Julius J. Epstein [CASABLANCA, CROSS OF IRON, YANKEE DOODLE DANDY, WHY WE FIGHT] wrote the screenplay for this one.
[FYI: This Keighley marathon continues beyond this film, burying what sound like two comparatively dire early efforts in the 3:00-6:00AM slots. Me, I say life's too short to watch Ronald Reagan movies.]
5:45AM-6:45AM, IFC: THE SPAGHETTI WEST, 56m.
Sounds like a good, albeit probably clip-showy, documentary about the 1960s boom in Westerns made in Italy. Features interviews with Clint Eastwood, Ennio Morricone, Alex Cox, etc.
Turner Classic Movies is going balls-out with the widescreen epics today and into tomorrow morning -- it'll [not really] be like the Cinerama is your living room! They're showing RAINTREE COUNTY [Edward Dmytryk can go shit in his hat, the dirty rat], HOW THE WEST WAS WON [seeing it once is enough] and CHILDREN OF PARADISE [which is epically long, but not so epic as the rest] but I'm going to try sitting still long enough to take in all of:
12:30 PM-4PM, TCM: DOCTOR ZHIVAGO, 200m.
I've never seen it, have avoided it for the usual obvious reasons but I've managed to watch and enjoy enough [of] David Lean movies recently that I think I can take in a period romance that's this long without it feeling like I'm taking cinematic medicine.
4PM-8PM, TCM: BEN-HUR, 222m.
In for two & a half hours, in for three & three-quarters hours; I saw and enjoyed the silent version of the story the other day, the few people I know who have made it through both say that the Charlton Heston and William Wyler version is even more awesome [always with the "for a Biblical-type story" caveat].
8PM-9PM, TCM: A NIGHT AT THE MOVIES: "The Gigantic World of Epics," 58m.
A TCM-produced documentary, appropriately filmed in widescreen.
9PM-Midnight, TCM: THE KING OF KINGS, 171m.
Only Nick Fucking Ray could get me interested to watch the life of Christ starring Jeffrey Hunter [!!!] as Jesus, the very Oy-rish Siobhan McKenna as his mom Mary, Robert Ryan as John The Baptist and a young Rip Torn as Judas [!!!], with narration written by Ray Bradbury [!] and delivered by Orson Welles. Really, WTF FTW people. Fuckin' Nick Ray.
That's three movies, which clock in at a few minutes shy of ten hours. Epic! We got one more, though:
Monday, December 21
Midnight-2:45AM, TCM: THE KING OF KINGS (1927), 157m.
Cecil B. DeMille's silent epic version of the life of Christ. I'm guessing this version's Jesus didn't have to shave his chest for the crucifixion scene, so as to not enrage the holy-rollers like the remake reportedly did.
1:01AM-3:01AM, H: SNIPER: INSIDE THE CROSSHAIRS
In case we can't hang with with Jeezus and need to cleanse the palate with a little gunplay. I like that first-person shooters have rehabilitated the reputation of the scout/sniper; we've all learned how to stop worrying and love the pink mist. This doc profiles [in]famous sniper shots from military history.
6:15AM-8:15AM, IFC: HOWL'S MOVING CASTLE, 119m.
A Hayao Miyazaki movie is still a Hayao Miyazaki movie, even if IFC is actually showing the Disney-dubbed version, with the voices of master thespians like Christian Bale, Emily Mortimer, Jean Simmons, Lauren Bacall and Billy Crystal.
8:15AM-10:15AM, TCM: JULES AND JIM, 106m.
I don't know anyone who hates this Francois Truffaut movie. Do you? They may not have seen it, they may not like it, but no one hates it. It's like the people who supposedly impulse-buy those decks of Bicycle playing cards that are in every check-out station in every supermarket everywhere; JULES ET JIM-haters don't exist. Jeanne Moreau, Oskar Werner and Henri Serre star.
10:15AM-12:15 PM, TCM: YESTERDAY, TODAY AND TOMORROW, 114m.
Some days, I swear the programming department at Turner lays the schedule out just to mess with our heads. This fine late-model Vittorio De Sica comedy stars Marcello Mastroianni and Sophia Loren, who was never sexier. Of the three stories, I think I like the first the best -- Loren's character is facing jail time but takes advantage of a law that prevents pregnant women from going to prison. You can probably do the math along with a few inappropriate hand gestures.
1:25PM-2:15PM, Sun: A SKIN TOO FEW: THE DAYS OF NICK DRAKE, 48m.
It's been a long time since I saw it, but I remember Jeroen Berkvens's documentary about the late singer-songwriter being appropriately wispy but faintly solid at the same time, just like a good Nick Drake song.
6:15PM-7:55PM, Sun: JESUS IN INDIA, 97m.
So, what was Jesus doing in his "hidden years" -- his teens to early thirties? What every young dude does until he hits 30; traveling the Silk Road and hanging out with Hindus and Buddhists and picking up all their, like, vibe, man. Actually, that makes a lot of sense, considering how similar his teachings are to both religions' key texts. I'm very interested to hear more about this ancient manuscript about Jesus that's reportedly housed in a remote monastery in Ladakh, near the India/Kashmir border.
8PM-10:15 PM, TCM: STATE OF THE UNION, 123m.
Another Frank Capra film, this one curiously doesn't pop up much in talk about Capra's oeuvre nor Katherine Hepburn & Spencer Tracy's collaborations. I'm looking forward to finding out why that is. Spence is running for President but having trouble fighting that fight and keeping his wife Katherine happy at the same time.
And, there's another week.
Sunday, December 13, 2009
Saturday, December 12, 2009
Boxing snuck up on me; quicks predicks
I'm watching Showtime's whole card and will catch HBO later tonight/tomorrow; it seems the right thing, morally and logistically, to do.
I sez Vic Darchinyan drops Tomas Rojas quick. Duh.
Timothy Bradley and Lamont Peterson are so evenly matched that the fight will definitely be exciting no matter who gets the nod -- I lean toward Bradley, especially if it goes to the scorecards; hopefully without any asinine home-cooked shut-out scores. I don't think it will make it to the cards, considering both guys love pounding the crap out of their opponents' bodies.
As for the HBO card: Paulie Malignaggi outboxes Juan Diaz again -- even when he didn't have anything but boxing on his plate, Diaz and his corner couldn't adapt to a situation where his natural style wasn't working. Also, Magic Man won't be dehydrated and fighting in a small ring this time. Props to Diaz for taking a rematch, although it still looks bad for him that his people diddn't take the fight to New York [or at least the East Coast] to reciprocate just a little of the home-court advantage he enjoyed the first time. I just hope Diaz's mom made the trip up to Chicago, so we get to see her crying a few times between rounds. Chicago has a massive Mexican population, so Juan should be the more popular fighter with the crowd anyway.
Vitali Klitschko pummels his opponent, Kevin Johnson, all night; Johnson hasn't fought anyone even remotely world-class, but he sounds like too much the tough guy to go down. It's admirable that Klitschko is a fighting champion and is clearly making up for lost time, but I'd rather not have these-level fights shoehorned into HBO's limited sports airspace.
Victor Ortiz vs. Antonio Diaz -- doesn't matter who wins. If I wanted to watch shit like this, I know how to find ESPN2 or SHOBOX.
*******
9:14PM UPDATE: Well, so far Rojas is actually looking good. I didn't know he had such a height advantage.
9:20PM UPDATE: Yep, that was fast. Rojas has been counted out in round two after leaning into a pretty nasty left hand.
9:21PM UPDATE: You know, I would probably really really like Darchinyan if he didn't look so much like my first roommate's assholic boyfriend, who slashed my tires because I had the nerve to listen to music while taking a shower at 11:30am on a weekend. Except that Darchinyan isn't a total failure in life; that boyfriend couldn't even kill himself correctly. Anyway, if Darchinyan can stay at 115 pounds he will probably own most of that division indefinitely.
9:27PM UPDATE: Nice -- Darchinyan and Gary Shaw are now talking about setting up a rematch with Nonito Donaire, who owns the other chunk of the flyweight division as well as the only KO win over Darchinyan.
9:54PM UPDATE: Wow, Bradley actually wobbled Peterson, but was so awkward moving in to kill that he blew his shot to put Peterson down.
9:58PM UPDATE: Bradley hurts Peterson again, moves too fast to really put him down. Hmm, this may be one of those fight nights when we'll catch both channel's broadcasts in real time. So odd how fighting a comparatively inexperienced-in-title-fights fighter like Peterson is making Bradley look a bit green too.
10:00PM UPDATE: Peterson's down, from what looked like a rabbit punch [on replay: it was].
10:01PM UPDATE: Peterson seems to be OK-ish, but it's a very long minute to the bell.
10:02PM UPDATE: Peterson's gut check must have come back positive -- not only is he banging back, it looks like he hurt Bradley with a straight body shot.
10:04PM UPDATE: Good grief, this isn't a knife fight in a phone booth [is that a 17-foot ring?] it's more like two guys with axes trying to chop the other down at the waist.
10:08PM UPDATE: What the hell is the referee doing, looking/talking to someone out of the ring during a round?
10:10PM UPDATE: Wow, a perfect straight right hand from Peterson; Bradley blinks it away like it was some unfounded rumor.
10:15PM UPDATE: BOB ARUM IN THA HIZZAH.
10:18PM UPDATE: Yep, it is a 17-footer.
10:24PM UPDATE: Wow, Peterson's never fought past 10 rounds?
10:26PM UPDATE: Well, they get the camera in close, it becomes much more obvious how great Bradley's footwork is: They just held a shot from the ring apron for about 20 seconds, during which Bradley nailed Peterson and stepped out of his forward thrust twice, the kind of awesome movement that makes you think "¡Olé!"
10:39PM UPDATE: Peterson looked totally gassed the last 20 seconds of the fight. A fine showing, but that was a remarkable showcase for Bradley.
10:41PM UPDATE: Monkey-Fucker Banana-Bread, Showtime's launching a NASCAR-themed weekly show too? Programmers, you are all fired.
10:43PM UPDATE: Tim Bradley takes the win, by what sounded like reasonable margins: 118-110, 119-108, 120-107.
10:47PM UPDATE: Who is the Roger Corman-looking guy who looms and leers over some many of these fighters? A manager, I assume, but what's his name?
10:48PM UPDATE: What fight was Doug Fischer watching?
10:49PM UPDATE: Flipping to HBO: Apparently, Antonio Diaz's corner threw in the towel after Ortiz nailed him with a straight right. Perfect timing! Straight from Bradley-Peterson to either Paulie-Juan 2 or the Klitschko execution.
11:02PM UPDATE: Huh, so Diaz people were willing to take the fight to NY but they couldn't find an available site.
11:05PM UPDATE: It's easy to forget that these guys' only losses were to major fighters; Miguel Cotto and Ricky Hatton for Malignaggi and Juan Manuel Marquez and Nate Campbell for Diaz.
11:08 UPDATE: Paulie's movement doesn't seem as driven by nervous energy as the last fight. Diaz is throwing fast but not hitting much. First round - Paulie
11:12PM UPDATE: Jeezus, Diaz is handling feints only slightly better than your kid sister does. Second round - Paulie
11:15PM UPDATE: Paulie's habit -- it shows up too often to be coincidence -- of letting his opponent unload so that Paulie can stick his tongue out at him and show that he's not hurt -- is poorly considered. Third round -- Paulie, but it could go to Juan without argument
11:20PM UPDATE: Does Paulie Malignaggi hit harder than Juan Manuel Marquez? Diaz bulled his way through Marquez's shots -- well, until they knocked him out -- but he's being slowed down and often stopped by Paulie's punches. Fourth round -- Paulie, but it could go to Juan without argument
11:22PM UPDATE: Oh, Olivia Diaz -- take those sunglasses off!
11:25PM UPDATE: Paulie's taking the fifth off -- Juan Diaz earns the round.
11:28PM UPDATE: What's happened to Paulie's footwork?
11:29PM UPDATE: I'm a fan of showboating/mime-trash-talk, but it doesn't hide that Malignaggi doesn't quite know what to do when his punches actually hurt the other guy. Sixth round -- Paulie
11:30PM UPDATE: Holy shit, trainer Ronnie Shields just told Diaz to take the next round off. In a fight that's close at best. Jackass. Seventh round -- Paulie
11:35PM UPDATE: Diaz's low-blow might be the most effective punch he's thrown all night. Juan finally pins Paulie on the ropes and flurries, but not a lot of clean shots in any of them. He still did more business than Malignaggi. Eighth round -- Juan, but it could go to Paulie; I should watch it again
11:38PM UPDATE: Jesus H. Christ and a side of home fries, Shields just told Diaz to take another round off because they're so ahead on the cards.
11:40PM UPDATE: I wish I had made a note of what round Paulie cut Juan's eye with a punch. It's looking worse and worse. Ninth round -- Paulie
11:45PM UPDATE: The fuck, that was a knockdown? The ref called it as such. I just realized that Paulie's wearing green tights because it's Christmas. Snazzy.
Tenth round - Paulie
11:47PM UPDATE: Accidental pull down, not a punch and his glove didn't seem to touch the canvas. Shields offers the sage advice that Juan should bull his way inside.
11:49PM UPDATE: Good grief, he ignored Juan to talk to the HBO announcers! Paulie's invented a new kind of showboating, the kind that pisses the audience off. Eleventh -- Paulie, but I think I should watch this one again
11:51PM UPDATE: Ronnie Shields offers even more bad advice. You know, at least Jack Lowe's "Double- and triple-up dat fuckin' jab, Kelly!" is a suggestion that could actually help win a fight.
11:54PM UPDATE: What the hell? Why is Paulie fighting Juan's fight? Twelfth -- Juan
11:56PM UPDATE: That was quick; all three judges score it 116-111 for Paulie, who is now the NABO Junior Welterweight champion. Juan was outworked and outboxed.
12:07AM UPDATE: Kevin Johnson already looks discouraged and beaten. Oy, this is going to be a long night. Round one -- Vitali
12:11AM UPDATE: Man, European fights are presented so much better than any network's over here -- can we steal more from those producers, please?
12:13AM UPDATE: Oh, and Round Two -- Vitali
12:16AM UPDATE: Johnson's technique of being punched and then fronting to Vitali instead of, um, punching back doesn't seem to be working out very well. Maybe his master plan involves Vitali's bad shoulder giving out on him between rounds like in the Chris Byrd fight a million years ago. Round three -- Vitali
12:25AM UPDATE: Oh, um, let's just assume that no updates about the fight = Vitali is still winning every round. The only drama here is whether or not his shoulder gives out before Johnson does. I'd place my bet on the shoulder going first.
12:27AM UPDATE: HBO only bought this fight to pave the way to a Klitschko-David Haye fight some time in the summer, right? Right?
12:30AM UPDATE: Johnson reminds me of James Toney, but without the confidence and skill.
12:42AM UPDATE: I like that it's Open Season on shitty-scoring judges: Pierre Benoist's and Gale Van Hoye's reputations have both been kicked in the nuts repeatedly tonight. Meanwhile, in the actual fight: If I wanted to half-watch a fight like this, I would resume watching Vladmir's fights.
12:45AM: I think I understand why HBO didn't show this fight before Paulie & Juan; nobody would still be awake for the main event. I think I'm feeling how fuckin' long the last six minutes of fight-time left deeper than Johnson is.
12:57AM UPDATE: Johnson appropriately loses every round on every judge's card. Boy, that was a thriller. If they must show mismatches like this: More cutaways to Vitali's wife, please.
1:00AM That's a great highlight reel from HBO's year in boxing, with a great little dedication to the late all-around great guy Arthur Curry.
I sez Vic Darchinyan drops Tomas Rojas quick. Duh.
Timothy Bradley and Lamont Peterson are so evenly matched that the fight will definitely be exciting no matter who gets the nod -- I lean toward Bradley, especially if it goes to the scorecards; hopefully without any asinine home-cooked shut-out scores. I don't think it will make it to the cards, considering both guys love pounding the crap out of their opponents' bodies.
As for the HBO card: Paulie Malignaggi outboxes Juan Diaz again -- even when he didn't have anything but boxing on his plate, Diaz and his corner couldn't adapt to a situation where his natural style wasn't working. Also, Magic Man won't be dehydrated and fighting in a small ring this time. Props to Diaz for taking a rematch, although it still looks bad for him that his people diddn't take the fight to New York [or at least the East Coast] to reciprocate just a little of the home-court advantage he enjoyed the first time. I just hope Diaz's mom made the trip up to Chicago, so we get to see her crying a few times between rounds. Chicago has a massive Mexican population, so Juan should be the more popular fighter with the crowd anyway.
Vitali Klitschko pummels his opponent, Kevin Johnson, all night; Johnson hasn't fought anyone even remotely world-class, but he sounds like too much the tough guy to go down. It's admirable that Klitschko is a fighting champion and is clearly making up for lost time, but I'd rather not have these-level fights shoehorned into HBO's limited sports airspace.
Victor Ortiz vs. Antonio Diaz -- doesn't matter who wins. If I wanted to watch shit like this, I know how to find ESPN2 or SHOBOX.
*******
9:14PM UPDATE: Well, so far Rojas is actually looking good. I didn't know he had such a height advantage.
9:20PM UPDATE: Yep, that was fast. Rojas has been counted out in round two after leaning into a pretty nasty left hand.
9:21PM UPDATE: You know, I would probably really really like Darchinyan if he didn't look so much like my first roommate's assholic boyfriend, who slashed my tires because I had the nerve to listen to music while taking a shower at 11:30am on a weekend. Except that Darchinyan isn't a total failure in life; that boyfriend couldn't even kill himself correctly. Anyway, if Darchinyan can stay at 115 pounds he will probably own most of that division indefinitely.
9:27PM UPDATE: Nice -- Darchinyan and Gary Shaw are now talking about setting up a rematch with Nonito Donaire, who owns the other chunk of the flyweight division as well as the only KO win over Darchinyan.
9:54PM UPDATE: Wow, Bradley actually wobbled Peterson, but was so awkward moving in to kill that he blew his shot to put Peterson down.
9:58PM UPDATE: Bradley hurts Peterson again, moves too fast to really put him down. Hmm, this may be one of those fight nights when we'll catch both channel's broadcasts in real time. So odd how fighting a comparatively inexperienced-in-title-fights fighter like Peterson is making Bradley look a bit green too.
10:00PM UPDATE: Peterson's down, from what looked like a rabbit punch [on replay: it was].
10:01PM UPDATE: Peterson seems to be OK-ish, but it's a very long minute to the bell.
10:02PM UPDATE: Peterson's gut check must have come back positive -- not only is he banging back, it looks like he hurt Bradley with a straight body shot.
10:04PM UPDATE: Good grief, this isn't a knife fight in a phone booth [is that a 17-foot ring?] it's more like two guys with axes trying to chop the other down at the waist.
10:08PM UPDATE: What the hell is the referee doing, looking/talking to someone out of the ring during a round?
10:10PM UPDATE: Wow, a perfect straight right hand from Peterson; Bradley blinks it away like it was some unfounded rumor.
10:15PM UPDATE: BOB ARUM IN THA HIZZAH.
10:18PM UPDATE: Yep, it is a 17-footer.
10:24PM UPDATE: Wow, Peterson's never fought past 10 rounds?
10:26PM UPDATE: Well, they get the camera in close, it becomes much more obvious how great Bradley's footwork is: They just held a shot from the ring apron for about 20 seconds, during which Bradley nailed Peterson and stepped out of his forward thrust twice, the kind of awesome movement that makes you think "¡Olé!"
10:39PM UPDATE: Peterson looked totally gassed the last 20 seconds of the fight. A fine showing, but that was a remarkable showcase for Bradley.
10:41PM UPDATE: Monkey-Fucker Banana-Bread, Showtime's launching a NASCAR-themed weekly show too? Programmers, you are all fired.
10:43PM UPDATE: Tim Bradley takes the win, by what sounded like reasonable margins: 118-110, 119-108, 120-107.
10:47PM UPDATE: Who is the Roger Corman-looking guy who looms and leers over some many of these fighters? A manager, I assume, but what's his name?
10:48PM UPDATE: What fight was Doug Fischer watching?
10:49PM UPDATE: Flipping to HBO: Apparently, Antonio Diaz's corner threw in the towel after Ortiz nailed him with a straight right. Perfect timing! Straight from Bradley-Peterson to either Paulie-Juan 2 or the Klitschko execution.
11:02PM UPDATE: Huh, so Diaz people were willing to take the fight to NY but they couldn't find an available site.
11:05PM UPDATE: It's easy to forget that these guys' only losses were to major fighters; Miguel Cotto and Ricky Hatton for Malignaggi and Juan Manuel Marquez and Nate Campbell for Diaz.
11:08 UPDATE: Paulie's movement doesn't seem as driven by nervous energy as the last fight. Diaz is throwing fast but not hitting much. First round - Paulie
11:12PM UPDATE: Jeezus, Diaz is handling feints only slightly better than your kid sister does. Second round - Paulie
11:15PM UPDATE: Paulie's habit -- it shows up too often to be coincidence -- of letting his opponent unload so that Paulie can stick his tongue out at him and show that he's not hurt -- is poorly considered. Third round -- Paulie, but it could go to Juan without argument
11:20PM UPDATE: Does Paulie Malignaggi hit harder than Juan Manuel Marquez? Diaz bulled his way through Marquez's shots -- well, until they knocked him out -- but he's being slowed down and often stopped by Paulie's punches. Fourth round -- Paulie, but it could go to Juan without argument
11:22PM UPDATE: Oh, Olivia Diaz -- take those sunglasses off!
11:25PM UPDATE: Paulie's taking the fifth off -- Juan Diaz earns the round.
11:28PM UPDATE: What's happened to Paulie's footwork?
11:29PM UPDATE: I'm a fan of showboating/mime-trash-talk, but it doesn't hide that Malignaggi doesn't quite know what to do when his punches actually hurt the other guy. Sixth round -- Paulie
11:30PM UPDATE: Holy shit, trainer Ronnie Shields just told Diaz to take the next round off. In a fight that's close at best. Jackass. Seventh round -- Paulie
11:35PM UPDATE: Diaz's low-blow might be the most effective punch he's thrown all night. Juan finally pins Paulie on the ropes and flurries, but not a lot of clean shots in any of them. He still did more business than Malignaggi. Eighth round -- Juan, but it could go to Paulie; I should watch it again
11:38PM UPDATE: Jesus H. Christ and a side of home fries, Shields just told Diaz to take another round off because they're so ahead on the cards.
11:40PM UPDATE: I wish I had made a note of what round Paulie cut Juan's eye with a punch. It's looking worse and worse. Ninth round -- Paulie
11:45PM UPDATE: The fuck, that was a knockdown? The ref called it as such. I just realized that Paulie's wearing green tights because it's Christmas. Snazzy.
Tenth round - Paulie
11:47PM UPDATE: Accidental pull down, not a punch and his glove didn't seem to touch the canvas. Shields offers the sage advice that Juan should bull his way inside.
11:49PM UPDATE: Good grief, he ignored Juan to talk to the HBO announcers! Paulie's invented a new kind of showboating, the kind that pisses the audience off. Eleventh -- Paulie, but I think I should watch this one again
11:51PM UPDATE: Ronnie Shields offers even more bad advice. You know, at least Jack Lowe's "Double- and triple-up dat fuckin' jab, Kelly!" is a suggestion that could actually help win a fight.
11:54PM UPDATE: What the hell? Why is Paulie fighting Juan's fight? Twelfth -- Juan
11:56PM UPDATE: That was quick; all three judges score it 116-111 for Paulie, who is now the NABO Junior Welterweight champion. Juan was outworked and outboxed.
12:07AM UPDATE: Kevin Johnson already looks discouraged and beaten. Oy, this is going to be a long night. Round one -- Vitali
12:11AM UPDATE: Man, European fights are presented so much better than any network's over here -- can we steal more from those producers, please?
12:13AM UPDATE: Oh, and Round Two -- Vitali
12:16AM UPDATE: Johnson's technique of being punched and then fronting to Vitali instead of, um, punching back doesn't seem to be working out very well. Maybe his master plan involves Vitali's bad shoulder giving out on him between rounds like in the Chris Byrd fight a million years ago. Round three -- Vitali
12:25AM UPDATE: Oh, um, let's just assume that no updates about the fight = Vitali is still winning every round. The only drama here is whether or not his shoulder gives out before Johnson does. I'd place my bet on the shoulder going first.
12:27AM UPDATE: HBO only bought this fight to pave the way to a Klitschko-David Haye fight some time in the summer, right? Right?
12:30AM UPDATE: Johnson reminds me of James Toney, but without the confidence and skill.
12:42AM UPDATE: I like that it's Open Season on shitty-scoring judges: Pierre Benoist's and Gale Van Hoye's reputations have both been kicked in the nuts repeatedly tonight. Meanwhile, in the actual fight: If I wanted to half-watch a fight like this, I would resume watching Vladmir's fights.
12:45AM: I think I understand why HBO didn't show this fight before Paulie & Juan; nobody would still be awake for the main event. I think I'm feeling how fuckin' long the last six minutes of fight-time left deeper than Johnson is.
12:57AM UPDATE: Johnson appropriately loses every round on every judge's card. Boy, that was a thriller. If they must show mismatches like this: More cutaways to Vitali's wife, please.
1:00AM That's a great highlight reel from HBO's year in boxing, with a great little dedication to the late all-around great guy Arthur Curry.
Friday, December 11, 2009
Friday Night Fights
From the gods of the public domain, archive.org, this is PALOOKA, a pre-Hayes Code [read: ever so slightly smutty] comedy about very stupid people and fixed fights. It's a clumsy but charming enough 1934 movie adaptation of Ham Fisher's comic strip. Jimmy Durante was clearly the biggest star in the cast, and it shows what a poverty-row production this film was --- even Burgess Meredith and Mickey Rooney took smaller billing to Sylvester Stallone and Anthony Quinn because, um, no one watches a boxing movie for the trainers -- but Durante not only headlines, the filmmakers stop the story cold so that he can sing his hit "Inka Dinka Doo," which will make you want to "let your hands go" ... directly to his face.
Lupe Velez, another starlet who died tragically young, co-stars; a speaking hunk of over-earnest meat named Stuart Erwin gets third-billing as the title character. The movie also features notable tertiary parts for Thelma Todd [the Joe Besser of Marx Bros. female foils] and William Cagney, James Cagney's six-years-young identical-twin brother.
Transcendental Meditation: Chicken Soup For The Ass-Soul
Enjoy this one while it lasts -- for some reason, every time the infamous video of Mike Love's thank-you speech after the Beach Boys were inducted into the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame is uploaded to YouTube, it gets taken off with a vague explanation of a complaint filed. To start resharpening my transcription skills, I just banged out this transcript for when the video's deleted. Enjoy:
[Crowd applause] You heard from cousin Brian, the reason why we starting making music and the reason it keeps us going -- and it sounds corny, but you can hear it in the harmonies, those of you who're musicians -- and the reason why people like the Beach Boys is because we love harmony. We love music and we love harmony. And we love all people, too. Um, when I went to school, high school, my cousin Brian and I would jump over the fence and ditch class and we'd go surfin'. Now, we couldn't surf very good but it was a whole lifestyle thing. We, we would listen to the music, the R&B music of the time and, uh, some of our favorite records were the doo-wop type of deals. There you go again, with harmony.
And I think it's wonderful to be here tonight, but I also think it's sad that there are other people who aren't here tonight. And, uh, those are the people who have passed away, those are the obvious ones. But the other not-so-obvious ones are people like Paul McCartney, who couldn't be here tonight because he's in a lawsuit with Ringo and Yoko. [Surprised, strangle crowd applause, a few catcalls] That's what he sent a telegram to some, uh, high-priced attorney in this room, you know.
And that's a bummer, because we're talking about harmony, right, and the world. If we can't get it together in America and in England, [slight applause builds] and harmony within our groups. I mean, believe it, you can believe it. The Beach Boys have their own internecine or whatever you call it, squabbles. But that's a bummer when Ms. Ross can't make it, you know? [Crowd applause, catcalls]
The Beach Boys have continued to do, about, we did about 180 performances last year. I'd like to see the Mop-Tops match that. [Crowd applause, boos] I'd like to see Mick Jagger get out on this stage and do "I Get Around" versus "Jumpin' Jack Flash," any day. [Crowd applause, louder boos]
Now, a lot of people are gonna go out of this room tonight thinking that Mike Love is crazy. [Crowd argees.] Well, they've been saying that for years. Ain't nothing new about that. But what I'm talking about is forget this room -- the United States is six percent of the population of the world, that's why I came here tonight with Muhammad Ali. [Standing ovation for Ali] Muhammad, salaam alaikum. He didn't say "alaikum salaam." [Ali says it.] Alaikum salaam. He said it.
OK, I don't care what anyone in this room thinks. You what they were talking about, this, this guy with the guitar? Opr -- you know, Arlo's father? Woody Guthrie, yeah, well, I knew that, because my ... father used to sing some of those songs. And my mother -- The Wilson, Emily Wilson, first cousin of Brian, Carl and the late Dennis, the surfer of the group. [I really like the guy in the crowd who can be heard asking "What?" whenever Love takes another awkward pause, from about the "Mike Love is Crazy" part of this rant.] When they first came to California, they were, they were Kansas dust-bowl Swedes, all right? Swedish people. Who didn't have enough money to rent or buy a house, they lived in tents on the beach, on Huntington Beach, California when they first came out. All right? And now we're siting in this room with all this glitteradi, glitterati glissando, all six percent of us, and we're asking our internecine francois, you know, messin' around. What I want to see is us recognize that there is one Earth here, and I want us to do something fantastic with all this talent and all this wonderful spirit and soul, and I'd like to see some people kick out the jams, and I challenge the Boss to get up on stage and jam. [Applause]
I wanna see Billy Joel, see if he can still tickle ivories, lemmee see. [Laughs and applause.] I know Mick Jagger won't be here tonight, he's gonna have to stay in England. But I'd like to see us in the Coliseum and he at Wembley Stadium because he's always been chickenshit [crowd starts laughing] to get on stage with the Beach Boys. [Laughter, smattering of applause. The band starts playing "Good Vibrations"]
And we're gonna do it for world peace and love and harmony! Yeah! [polite applause]
[Shortly thereafter, Elton John hops onstage to say "Thank Fuck he didn't mention me!"]
Bob Dylan was inducted the same year; reportedly, in his very short acceptance speech, he said "Peace and harmony are very important, indeed, but so is forgiveness." This is why Love is unfit to share the same zip code with Dylan, much less a stage.
Three DVD Thee
It appears to be a ghost ship of a Web site now, but dvdeastereggs.com still has a handy collection of Easter Eggs for DVDs produced between 1998-2005. Hiddendvdeastereggs.com looks more up to date, but with a cheesier interface. It's unfortunate that there's not one all-in EE site, a database of all eggs from Warren Robinett's "dot" in the Atari 2600 ADVENTURE game to the Morse code on most Western Digital external drives to the third side of Monty Python's MATCHING TIE AND HANDKERCHIEF, etc.
If one has a desire to kill time and marvel at the many ways of typography, there are few places better to go than Movie Title Screens.
It's a terrible URL name, but movie-censorship.com is packed with detailed run-downs of the differences between a film's theatrical and home-video releases, and any other possible alternate edits.
If one has a desire to kill time and marvel at the many ways of typography, there are few places better to go than Movie Title Screens.
It's a terrible URL name, but movie-censorship.com is packed with detailed run-downs of the differences between a film's theatrical and home-video releases, and any other possible alternate edits.
Thursday, December 10, 2009
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